Successful Failure

         They say they dream, they think, they want to be different from everyone around, they feel the change and they believe. I have always been one of them, one of the same people. It is something that makes everyone the same, a bunch of dreamers, equally same but potentially different. “Nothing changes you but yourself” says everyone amongst us. Yes, I do think the same but only the belief in oneself makes it true, I have learned. I had joined Wilson College not to prove myself or to have a course that makes me stand out in the crowd; I never knew if I would ever do it. All I wanted was to do what interests me, to do something that actually sets my goals and makes me realize that I actually could do something more to challenge myself. That’s how I define the competition. Unless I can’t possess the qualities to learn everything I need, I would never be an example for myself. Alibag, the place where I was born and brought up is full of people for whom career-paths are decided by their parents since their childhood. I was free to choose anything and I made mistake. Apparently, my decision went wrong just because I tried to run away and find out easier ways. Consequently, I lost two educational years regretting for doing something that doesn’t fascinate me at all. I remorse for the wrong decisions, later I realized that there’s nothing easier to do unless you love to learn it and execute. This is how I chose the path to join for the Mass Media course.

            A year has passed since I have been in the course. It started with my introduction to the class. It was the first day and I was clueless about what I am or who I am though I would tell what I wanted to become. Now after the remarkable and experienced year I realize the change between what I was and what I am. Is there any change that I wanted to have in me? Is there anything I have achieved due to this experience? Maybe, the answer is not spoken it’s just realized. The previous course I did defined the web of outside world and this year I learned to get into it, to make my own position.

            No matter how much time have I spent to know myself but the fact that this should be utilized correctly is all that matters. I went wrong; I failed utilizing myself at the right places where I deserve. I tried a lot of new things which would make me realize whether I suit for the same. I believe I would have known it by myself before wasting my time and energy in. Trying different things was a test to find the interests I do possess in. Apparently, it was already realised. The preferences I opted for made the other section of my contributions weaker and rare. I contributed more in the activities which were new to me and were not tried by me. Rather I could have contributed with the same time and energy in the areas I wish to move forward. The new things would have been created eventually in the same areas. The things fell apart and my involvement in the classes reduced remarkably. My involvement gradually increased in other areas. Too much of carelessness was consequential for the reduction of the score in the other semester. The realization comes later, when the damage is actually done. The change that I had made in myself turned the other way but the experience of that pinch would certainly settle it in the next year and ahead.

            This year my involvement would be more in the activities held by the college and department. If I deserve to stand for something or it becomes my duty to take certain responsibilities I would not hesitate but the other responsibilities or activities would be given preferences only according to their requirements and the time I can spare for them. Especially, I would ignore to take the responsibilities which divert me from the core and turn out to be of no use. The time management is one of the most important factors I must look into. Too many burdens make me cautious about the fulfilment. It does affect the perfection. The excellence would always be preferred and the smart work with complete involvement will result to the best results.

            Another thing I have realized towards the end of this year is that I have been lazy. The reason of me being so is just taking too much of pressure for the fulfilment towards edge of the submissions. The laziness has badly affected on the college attendance and eventually on the college involvements and class participations. It will only stop by tabulating the schedule and enough of rest with the same respect. I don’t want to participate in the extra-curricular activities or programs which in fact won’t address to my future. If I actually have some leisure time I would love to join seminars and exhibitions looking at what information they provide. Since photography has been one of my interests I wish to join some photography clubs in Mumbai. I have been seeking to find some good film society that would also introduce me to the world cinema and camera techniques. The experience of photography and film making in last year has been a great and informative task. Out of the 6 audio-visuals I made of college projects and 2 for the hostel including the 50 years Golden Jubilee Celebration was the interesting tasks I had chosen to work for. My video editing has provided me experimenting on several aspects of film making as well. I feel glad that I have learnt these softwares on my own and I also feel happy to realize some of my classmates, seniors and a few other college students have been more interested in editing the videos because of me. I also share my ideas and views with the people and tell them how to use these softwares. Not only in the hostel and college but even at my internship places people liked to work with me and they were always satisfied with my work. Also I have got comments on my cinematography and editing skills. I am proud of being good at work and being with people in the industry in which I am going to work in a few more years. On the other hand, I wish I could spend the same attention to the class. Lately, I became very irregular to the classes. My class participation was reduced tremendously. I started feeling something wrong with myself. I just failed to manage all the things together.

            It reminds me of my past two years again, I asked myself if I am going back to the same what I was. The answers kept fluctuating. The results finalised everything. It doesn’t mean I forgot the aims I have kept for myself. It doesn’t even mean I changed the point of view. It just meant I tried to manage multiple things together, but lately I understood I couldn’t manage things simultaneously. I will work on the management of time and the preferences this year. Also, there are some new faculty is expected to arrive to the college. It might take me a little time to adjust to the teachers teaching style because I have been used to more of the teaching styles of my previous teachers. Although I don’t really take interest in the subjects which are not very directly related to film-making I will learn them as for additional knowledge. I might develop interest in the same. The graph of my hard work would have been very intermittent last year because I hardly read something during the college times. I would just take time for the projects because of which I could not really take time for the extra reading and revisions. This has been the fact for my score in the projects and theories in the second semester. I never felt sick neither took medical leave but the reasons for my weak attendance in the class are me and the laziness of mine.

I admit everything that I have faced this year but there are always many good experiences too. It feels very nice and grateful to see my name on this year’s BMM yearbook for razzies like ‘Happy to Help Tag’ and ‘Jack Of All Trades’. I have been helping my friends in their projects, films and for some friends I have been an emotional support too. I always loved to be a helping hand to everyone. I also realized people at this stage consistently need an emotional support where they actually share their emotional situations considering me a good friend. It doesn’t take anything more than just being with them and paying ears to their talk, to understand them. Some of my classmates have had disputes with family or other students in the class. A word or two make them compatible towards the surroundings. This gives me a sweet happiness to make someone smile. I learned this during some sessions in the Industrial visit.

            As I was trying to do everything I could do or everything that I hadn’t done before I tried not to make myself concise into any group of students, I mixed up with everyone. I worked with almost everyone for the college projects. Positively, I experienced working with everyone and developed in team working abilities. I also, recognised what are the areas I should work on or improve. I realized the areas where my partners would have to work on.

            My vocabulary has not improved much though I had to be perfect at it. I have not taken any hard efforts on it. I believe it’s still not the end I still can improve it to be proper at the face to face conversations and confidence at the speech. I have already started reading books but I am not consistent in reading too. It takes me a lot of time to read a single book. I shall take interest in the books to improve vocabulary and creativity. I have always been fan of reading fictional novels, spy stories and criminal stories but the reading in the same section of literature has been weakened by me. I shall start reading from small books to gain a little speed of reading too.

            Wilsonian 2010 could not publish a poem of mine because it was not too artistic and the concept of the poem was not so clear to the reader. I have always taken failure as the encouragement for the next creation. This rejection for the poem inspired me to make a blog where I post once or twice a week. The poem on the blog might not be too professional but the growth of poet has been clearly seen. I have also posted some of the articles on the same blog. The articles in the upcoming year should be more professional and artistic. I will try hard for the same. Everything takes a little time and a little effort I know myself that I would really put these efforts after the successful failure of this past years experiences.

            I call this self article a ‘Successful Failure’; because nobody plans to fail neither did I. Nobody learn without failing or experiencing the defeat. I failed but I learned too. Now the things have been cleared to me. This has been a failure in some aspects but moreover I learned simultaneously. This is not actually what I had planned but it has become a step forward to the milestone. Now the other milestone awaits, then the destiny. It’s been a failure but it has been successful in the aspects I really wanted it to be improved. Success lies in understanding the failure so the failure was successful. Thomas Edison believed in ‘If you don’t fail, you don’t learn and if you don’t learn you don’t live.’ John Lennon said, ‘I just wanted to be happy, lately I realized I lived.’ I imply the same meaning to my life today.